He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
