I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
