Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
