So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
