I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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