if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Randomize
