I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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