I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
