bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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