Umm I'm too high to move.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
