Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
