Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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