So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
