I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everything about him screamed your future.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Randomize
