I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
We need to get me chipped asap
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
