Apparently you make a good broom.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
