Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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