I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
