I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
