margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
