I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
