Will you blow on my dice?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
