i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
