Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
