jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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