Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
