i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
