she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
