My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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