The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
