I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
