I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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