Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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