addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
