quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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