Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
