I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
