i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
