I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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