No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
