did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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