There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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