coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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