I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
