I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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