she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
