note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
