i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This is my gift to your gina
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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