What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
