How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
There r osticjed everywhere
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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