so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
