yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
