i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
