i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
