I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
